A little bit older and a lot a bit wiser...sort of

So I just watched Julie/Julia with my mom and my older sister. Wow, we see nothing the same way. More often than not they're always on each others 'side and rarely to never on mine-- but that's okay, really. Mostly we differed on the opinion of whether Julie's (Amy Adams) mom in the movie was being a bitch or not to her over the phone-- I said yea, they, nay. I'll leave that to the opinion of you-- if there are any of "you" out there. I doubt it.

Anyway, the purpose of this evenings post, on December 22nd in 2009, so far removed from anything I last wrote about is to ponder and peruse over the past year. Wow. Well, I'm no longer at MCC-- I've moved onto bigger and better things such at Roberts Wesleyan (an actual four-year college) and after quite a few breakdowns and replaced parts so that I feel like a used car-- I feel as if I've grown, quite a lot. I've realized that I've been long a prisoner of my own freaked out self-conscious. I can't tell you how hellish that has been, looking back on it and seeing how I've lived through it. (The wonder of that astounds me, it was hell enough going through it!) I tend to scare myself witless for no apparent, or factual, real, or...palpable reason. I've been working on that. I no longer see things they way they seem to be, I see them for what they are-- my sanity has improved greatly.

I realize this takes a lot of back story to fully explain--but who knows, maybe I will, at some point. For the present I will focus on being myself, and enjoying my life the way it has "metamorphatised" to be. The newness this something has brought to it, the freshness, the realness this realization has brought to me is completely exhilarating, it's liberating, and it makes me feel real. I feel, real. Most of all, I feel loved. I love myself for the first time in years, and you know what? As much as they already say it, I think it matters more than anything else at this point in time.

So goodnight, from me. :) Merry, merry Christmas.